Wednesday, January 22, 2014
At least half of my heart dwells thousands of miles away. Thousands of miles which equate to days of travel costing thousands of unaffordable dollars... just to connect with half of my heart. And the longer I am away from half of my heart, the more the distance grows. Every day that I stay away, another connection grows weaker, another life moves on away from mine, another kindred-spirit risks tearing away from me forever. Ghosts will gather in my heart and I will be left only with hauntings, severed cables dialling endlessly to lines that will never again be answered.
There are people who love this town. I love some of the people who love this town. And they can't understand why I hate it. Yes, we are incredibly spoilt down here; the sunshine and the standard-of-living are difficult to find anywhere else on earth. Yes, it is the place of my birth and my childhood. But if I could have chosen my home-town, I would never have chosen this place. For me the benefits, and the people I love who are attached to them, only make the pain worse - they are the things that keep me stuck here, they are both the gilding and the iron of my cage. Some days, I wish for nothing more than to erase every memory of this place existing.
I am, against my will, tied to one of the most isolated cities on the planet. And I cannot forgive this town for being that.
Some day we shall escape. We shall find enough sunshine and enough money to sustain us on the other side of the world. I will stay always with my closest loves, the core of my heart, my little family. We will find a way to make a good life away from this hown-town which spoils us so cruelly. I will reconnect with any segments of the half of my heart which remain intact. And I will leave the other half of my heart behind... to tear, and sever, and fill me with different ghosts.