Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Biding time (not yet moth-balled)
Having a shitty job in my teen years and early 20s was fine. Like living in a filthy share-house, suffering a hideous public hang-over, or indulging in a regrettable one-night-stand, these jobs were simply a right-of-passage, all part of the shaky beginnings of independence. But still having a shitty job in my mid-30s is getting beyond reasonable. And it's entirely my own fault.
I've never had a lot of ambition. Let's be honest - I'm just bloody lazy. I guess I've always achieved enough to get by without putting in too much actual grind; armed with an immunity to caring about the yard-sticks of others, the bare minimum effort always seemed to be enough.
But here I am as a result: earning less than I could; doing work I find demeaning; surrounded by people I can't respect. And I'm starting to be embarrassed by this. I'm clever, I'm educated, I'm married to an impressive enough individual yet claiming to be a feisty-independent-feminist type who can't be measured by her husband's success - and I have nothing to show for myself. If I'd at least created something artistic on the side I could point to that as my 'achievement' in life... but I can barely manage to keep this blog alive.
But I'm still young enough to have hope. I'm aware that at present I'm somewhat forced to be treading-water career-wise while the little one is still so little. (And no, the lad does not count as an 'achievement' - any idiot can have a baby... indeed, many idiots do.) In a few years we should have our little family completed, and be ready to move onto greener (and greyer) pastures abroad to pursue our dreams. Meanwhile we're in the twilight years of caring for babies; the chrysalis stage before we emerge back out in the world... as beautiful butterflies?... well maybe moths anyway. We'll have to avoid light-bulbs... or perhaps I'm taking the metaphor a little far.
Okay, here is the plan. Hunker down in my cocoon, ignore the day-job as much as possible for my sanity (writing blog-posts at my desk is a good start), and look forward to a more fruitful and satisfying lifestyle in the just-discernible future. Looking forward to seeing you out there then. :)